May 7 2010 Friday, 10:00 pm
Bersama Mak Merah – Cinta 1 Malaysia…
Hi Kak Red,
I’ve been reading your blog since last year, and I think I can get some advice from u over here.
I’m a chinese and my bf is a Malay.
Kita dh bersama for 2 years tp blm rancang nak kawin lg sbb family i. I tggl sama2 dgn ayah je, mak ayah dh cerai lama. Ayah dh tau bf i malay, dia pun tak bantah hbgn kita. Cuma 1 benda yg dia risau, laki ni tak mampu nak jaga i (he meant financially). I pun pernah pkir, kalau masuk Islam, there’s no turning back.
Tp selama 2 thn i dgn laki ni, we love each other and we know what we wanted. Benda yg susah mcmana pn kita lalui sama2. Umur dia pn dah tak muda, kebykan laki umur sebaya dia dh pn berumahtangga, dh ada anak. Dia keja gaji tak lah byk sgt. Utk skrg, mampu untuk diri sndiri, byr sewa umah, and other expenses.
I tak pernah pandang rendah thdp pekerjaan dia mahupn pendapatan dia. Dia tak bepelajaran tggi, tp dia pernah bgtau yg dia nak car keja baru, yg lbh stable. Cuma tak dapat, tak tau keja apa yg dia blh buat. Smua ni i pernah pk, especially bkaitan dgn masa dpn i. I masih blajar, in my final yr now.
Masalah 1 lg, mak i. Mak keja kat HQ company bf i keja. Tp mak tak tau lgsung ttg kita berdua… for these 2 years. Mak bkn jenis yg racist, tp pemikiran dia tak semudah tu… dia mgkin akan rasa laki ni tak akan kekal dgn i, tak dpt beri apa2 kpd i. I takut mak akan benci kat i, or worse still, tak nak jumpa i lg.
Mcmana lah i nak convince mak ttg kita? My bf part pula, i cuba nak tlg tp tak tau apa yg blh tlg la Kak Red… nak carikan keja, entah keja apa yg dia sesuai. My dad, dia asyik risaukan i sbb bf i malay… is it that difficult for parents to accept such relationship?
*Kak Red pls don’t reveal my real name and other details. Thank u…
Crystal
Tweets that mention Bersama Mak Merah – Cinta 1 Malaysia… -- Topsy.com
May 07, 2010 @ 22:43:40
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Redmummy. Redmummy said: Bersama Mak Merah – Cinta 1 Malaysia… http://goo.gl/fb/Lx8Kv […]
Mayhem
May 07, 2010 @ 23:19:20
Hi Crystal, I’m not Kak Red but as a guy, it’s fair to say that I might be able to give you a direction… if not an advice.
Race aside, I am a Malay. Jadi isu perkauman tak akan timbul. Tapi dari pengalaman, sebenarnya cinta saja tak cukup bila kita dah berumahtangga. Kita perlukan elemen yang stabil untuk mengukuhkan perkahwinan. Antaranya ialah kewangan yang kukuh. Banyak kes perceraian adalah berpunca dari kewangan.
The best way to win both your parents’ heart is when your bf is ready to sacrifice. Dia perlu upgrade taraf pendidikan dia agar dapat pekerjaan yang lebih baik. He even has to sacrifice his time with you for a part-time job in order to fund his education. Tapi cinta perlukan pengorbanan, kan? Bila dia dah upgrade in education, then only he can get a better job with a better income. Then only your parents might give blessings to both of you.
All the best for both of you 🙂
Ann Shahar
May 08, 2010 @ 09:57:55
@Mayhem,
I setuju dengan pendapat Mayhem , spt kata Mayhem, kekasih u kena buat pengorbanan ..first thing sambung belajar n get better job , buat part time, meniaga ke ape ..skrg kat Malaysia macam cara nak jana pendapatan…
Crytal .. mana ibubapa yang nak biarkan anak-anak especially anak perempuan kahwin dengan orang mereka rase tidak menjamin masa depan .. So u boleh advise bf u buat something or anything yang boleh meng’convincekan parents u … lastly .. u all kena IKHLAS dalam perhubungan …
* i hope perhubungan u dan bf akan berjaya dan selamat ke Jinjang Pelamin..!! amin !
Qiefly
May 07, 2010 @ 23:44:04
mayhem : i like the way u give her advise….touching kejap huhu crystal i harap u berdua akan ke jinjang pelamin suatu hari nanti….may god bless u dear…. :love:
.-= Qiefly´s last blog ..Syukurlah RAKAN arwah (Aminulrasyid Amzah), Azamudin Omar menceritakan kejadian sebenar =-.
eciz
May 08, 2010 @ 00:19:27
ouh sgt rumit jugak ek. moga2 semuanya ok. 😉
NISECA suka merapu
.-= eciz´s last blog ..Saya ingin berada di dalam blog list kategori HIJAU kerana .. =-.
Fad Ariffin
May 08, 2010 @ 00:31:32
totally agreed with mayhem. I am a mom. For whatever reason pun, i want the best for my daughter. That’s for sure.
If he loves u so much, he has to proof to ur mom & dad that dia mampu untuk menjaga u. Zaman sekarang nih financial plays an important role in life dear…
.-= Fad Ariffin´s last blog ..THAT’S MY GIRL! =-.
akuzle ayu
May 08, 2010 @ 01:48:38
crystal, i totally 100% agree with mayhem…. bila bercinta semuanya indah dan ‘tak kisah’…. bila dah commit tuh, macam2 benda buruk akan nampak…. i pray the best 4 u….
.-= akuzle ayu´s last blog ..Huuhhhh…. =-.
yuyun
May 08, 2010 @ 02:23:15
terdetik hati untuk memberi komen.
aineeyusry
May 08, 2010 @ 09:59:02
dear crystal,
mysf is a chinese married to a malay guy.one thing for sure…mula2 my mum objected-religion,culture,education-wise,financial n ada jer la reasons for my mum to object to our r.ship.nak convince his parents yg i convert bukan jus to get married,kene convince them dat u take Islam seriously too.religion ni bukan bule di buat maen2,no turning bek.i m lucky coz my husband is stabil financially n has a good post.as for ur mum n dad,i believe it takes time for them to accept d reality n u n ur bf have to work hard to convince ur parents dat bof of u are serious to settle down.being a malay or muslim man n watever in store in d future,we cant predict rite,so if u r a convert already,pray to God,talk to him ask for signs,strength n insyallah everyting will be fine.kdg2 kita ni terlalu memikir kedpan n dis will create unecessary stress to ursf.as 4 ur bf,yess,ask him to upgrade himsf,nvr too late to further studies etc,keje byk insyallah,rezeki ada dimana2,kene la usaha…apa2 pun kene usaha.all d best crystal.
yuyun
May 08, 2010 @ 11:08:23
terdetik hati untuk memberi komen. (maaf kalau panjang)
Saya bukan yang terbaik dalam hal ini tapi situasi kita mungkin hampir sama dan hanya ingin berkongsi. my bf is chinese and we have been dating for almost 6 years since high school. untuk hidup bersama memang sangat2 sukar. Saya hanya gadis biasa dari keluarga biasa but he has almost everything everyone’s wanted. my family dah ok dengan dia lepas beberapa tahun mencuba tapi selalu ingatkan saya untuk berpijak di bumi yang nyata.
I always think yang i tak layak untuk dia but he teach me that if you know what you wanted, believe in it and try to achieve. I believe that if i want to be accepted by his family and benarkan dia hidup bersama saya, i have to ‘promoting’ myself to them and try to rapatkan jurang yang ada. Honestly, saye masih rasa segan & rendah diri untuk berdepan dengan family dia sebab saya tak setaraf dia. thats why, now, im trying to improve myself (english, communication, social skills, confident, get a better job, better salary etc.) to show them that I want to live with him because I love him (bukan sebab lain seperti status) dan saya adalah layak untuk dia.
saya masih belajar ke arah itu dan alhamdulillah, dia terus memberi sokongan kepada saya bila saya rasa down pasal hal ni. saya percaya awak dan bf awak juga boleh melakukan perkara yang sama. The key point – cuba rapatkan jurang yang ada. Saya berharap kita sama-sama mempunyai keazaman dan kekuatan untuk melaluinya. kalau “memang dia ditakdirkan untuk kita”, kita sama2 akan dapat apa yang kita mahu dengan cara yang baik dan bermaruah. Apapun, restu keluarga adalah penting.
.-= yuyun´s last blog ...: resaikel jom! =-.
tom
May 08, 2010 @ 15:17:52
All the best for both of you.. dat’s the challenge of ur love.. U can either take it or leave it!..
.-= tom´s last blog ..Ceritera: Penangan Susu Payudara! =-.
zaid adam
May 09, 2010 @ 22:56:12
hi crystal..apa pun merah itu sgt cantikk..
anyway..follow your instinct 😉
.-= zaid adam´s last blog ..Pricelist for Perodua Model =-.
Lyn Yusoff
May 10, 2010 @ 14:49:36
actually, dengan sape pun kita couple tak kira bangsa.. persefahaman itu penting…
klu benar dia nak majukan diri dia.. baguslah.. u kena support dia. Dalam zaman skrg ni kewangan sgt penting. begitu juga dgn cinta.. sekiranyer anda berdua mmg love each other.. dia sepatutnyer buktikan pada ur parents yg dia seorang lelaki yg bertanggungjwab untuk menjaga u..
.-= Lyn Yusoff´s last blog ..Hectic Saturday =-.
Azhar Ramli
May 10, 2010 @ 17:49:35
Just a little advice from me..Ketulusan dalam bercinta dan perasaan kasih sayang will united both of you,make sure learn how to tackle both your parents and your bf parents..im sure both of you will find the way..mintak hidayah dariNYA..this is your destiny..
Tasha Leow
May 10, 2010 @ 23:00:03
Dearest Crystal,
I’m a chinese-malay girl. father is chinese, mom is malay. both parents were struggling beginning of their marriage. both parents rejected them. refuse to accept their decision. they got married on 1985. during that time, mix marriage wasn’t really an item. it took them 10 years to convince their parents to accept their marriage. today, i guess, our community are more broad-minded, and i believe that your parents will learn to accept the facts that you’re going to convert.
my parents started from a scratch. they both started working in a factory. my mom with just SPM, and dad is just holding a diploma. alhamdulillah, right now, they’re successful in life, and we’re the lucky children who got to share their success.
my point here is…. just believe in yourself. no matter how hard it is, just keep on trying. i’m the eldest in the family. i saw how my parents tackle every situation, and yes, i saw my mom crying a few time. the key to their marriage is “patience”. that’s what she said. it’s going to be tough, but, you’ll see a happy ending, one day.
anyway, i’m with you!
.-= Tasha Leow´s last blog ..Happiest day =-.
zaid adam
May 15, 2010 @ 16:04:07
i’m with u too tasha.. 🙂
.-= zaid adam´s last blog ..Pricelist for Perodua Model =-.
suzie aziz
Jun 02, 2010 @ 15:32:40
Yes Crystal.
tapi i rasa, orang selalu cakap kalau u dah kawen there’s no turning back..kenapa? meaning, memang betul you dah tak boleh kembali ke agama asal. tapi you can still ‘pulang’ ke family you,kan? please jangan rigidkan mind you dengan benda ni.
then betul la cakap mayhem tu. bf you sendiri kena berubah..kalo setakat cakap, janji2 manis je, tak guna beb.. bukan boleh convert jadi RM pon kan..kita kena back to reality..dah kawen banyak benda nak kena bayar etc etc..belum masuk nak beranak whatsoever. pampers susu semua..try macam yuyun..at least kalo benda ni tak berhasil pun dia ada something untuk masa depan dia.. its not that easy.. you pun kena buat mental preparation. and one thing, nak slow talk ngan lelaki ni, bagai menarik rambut dalam tepung…InsyaAllah…kalau betul niat you, benda ni akan jadi mudah..rezeki akan datang mencurah2..
Ieda
Nov 11, 2010 @ 17:56:02
Dear Crystal,
Firstly, pastikan bf u benar2 ingin membimbing u ke jalan Islam yang sebenar. Islam mudah tapi jangan dipermudahkan.
Jika perasaan cinta pada Islam sudah menguasai diri InsyaAllah apa jua rintangan & cabaran akan dapat dilalui. Mohon pertolongan daripada Allah sahaja, (berusaha, doa & tawakal) dengan izinNya semua akan menjadi mudah termasuk kurniaan rezeki.
For your additional info, dalam Islam kesusahan di dunia adalah kesenangan di akhirat. Kesenangan di dunia hanyalah bersifat sementara sahaja. Islam adalah berpandukan Al-Quran dan Sunnah (walaupun saya beragama Islam secara keturunan tapi masih banyak kelemahan dan dosa rasanya). Ikut instinct pun kena bersandar pada pegangan yang kukuh. InsyaAllah bahagia dunia & akhirat.
– Hanya Komen Ikhlas –